Bloody Kids Thursday

I know I havent blogged for a week so this one is long enough to make up for it

Last Thursday was one of those days when right from the start you know its not going to be a good day.
I set off for a meeting in Birmingham at 10.00 am expecting to arrive around 11.30
On the way it was raining really heavily on the way down the M6 and of course the inevitable happened:- It came over the radio that there had been a crash on the Northbound carriageway which had blocked 2 lanes and caused a severe backlog of traffic, nothing to worry me I thought because I am on the Southbound, but no, I hadn’t allowed for all the rubber neckers slowing down on my side to have a good look at the crash, which caused, yes you guessed it a crash on the Southbound carriageway!! This meant that all the lanes were closed on the southbound carriageway to allow the police to clear the vehicles involved and all the debris. This gave me time to sit there and read the newspaper, twice.
I eventually arrived for my meeting at 2.30pm, 4 1/2hrs after setting off.

There were a lot of things to discuss and sort out so that made me quite late setting off home, after loading the back of the car with two bales of Hessian/plastic sacks it was nearly 8.00pm . I thought that the one advantage was that it was likely that the traffic would be very light and it wouldn’t take me long to get home.

As I set off it was raining again and got heavier and heavier then just for good measure it got a little heavier and then the wind picked up blowing the rain even harder against the windscreen. At one point I was down to 30 mph on the motorway with my wipers on their fastest setting and I was still having difficulty seeing, eventually after about an hour of driving in these conditions the rain decided to lift off a little.

Two junctions away from home I phoned my wife (still feels a bit weird saying that) to tell her that I would be about 25 minutes. Almost immediately that I had finished speaking to her I heard a loud bang and the car pulled hard to the right with a dum, dum, dum coming from the rear right hand side of the car. I pulled over to the hard shoulder and stopped the car at that moment the rain decided to return to its previous ferocity along with its friend the wind. I reached into the back to get my warm waterproof coat ( I have always kept one in the car since being stranded in the snow some years ago for 26 ½ hrs wearing a suit shirt and tie, the snow became deeper and covered the exhaust pipe so I couldn’t have the engine running and eventually suffered from the early stages of hyperthermia).But my coat wasn’t there I looked all over the car but it wasn’t anywhere to be found.

At this point I must relate a conversation that I had with my children the previous weekend:-

ME “ I am sick of the car being full of all this rubbish, I want everything taking out of it or no spends this week .
KIDS “ awwww Daaaaaad”
ME “ and you will be grounded for a week”
Kids ( they didn’t say anything but I could hear the cogs whirring)

Back to me in the car:- “aaaaaaarrrrggghhh You have got to be kidding me”, I got out of the car and walked round to the back right hand wheel, it was flat, what I expected
to find I don’t know, I didn’t really have to look at it to know it had no air in it. I then got back I the car absolutely drenched and freezing.
It then occurred to me that I had had this car for just over 10 months and perhaps in that time I should have read the owners handbook/manual then I might have an idea where the spare wheel was and how to get it out, where the tools and the jack to lift the car up were. Not to worry I know it’s in a little cubby hole in the left hand glove compartment.
I opened the glove box to get it out and guess what; yep that wasn’t there either, bloody kids!
I phone home and ask my wife to find out where the kids had put the stuff out of the car and look in the manual for where all the gear was. She found the book and told me that the tools were in a little compartment right at the back of the car. I located them, then she told me that the spare wheel was underneath the car and the thing to lower it was behind the third row of seats in the middle under a little flap. Slight problem there thinks I, remember (tut pay attention) there are 2 bales of sacks in the back of the car , stacked on top of each other, each weighing approx 200 kgs. I might be able to get them out of the car but there is no way I could lift them back in.
Sod it I thought I’ll phone Renault assist they’ll help me. So I did, they answered the phone very promptly ( good sign). I explained my predicament and the young lady said “oooh we don’t do punctures anymore as part of the service” but if I wanted help with the puncture someone would come out for a charge of £95!!!!! I asked if they came out would they help me get the bags out of and then back in the car, she asked how heavy they were and when I told her she went to check and then said no they aren’t insured to lift things that heavy. Shit I thought I could be here all night.

I telephoned my step-dad and mum who are also my business partners for any ideas, we came to the conclusion that the only thing for it was for my step-dad to come out and help me lift the bags out. Only drawback it would take him about 50 mins to an hour to get there.
Now I know that they advise you to get out of the car and wait behind the barrier but there was no bloody chance of that as I was still soaking wet and freezing. I sat there in the pitch-black (sorry did I forget to mention it was one of the stretches of motorway with no bloody lights) with articulated lorries thundering past at high speed within a foot of my car, quite un-nerving I am not afraid to say.
I telephoned my step-dad back and told him as the tyre was ruined anyway I was going to crawl down the hard shoulder to the next junction as it didn’t feel incredibly safe where I was. As I set off at about 5 mph I could see in the distance a roadwork sign and thought that perhaps there was a pull off area. I limped on and came to a sign saying the road works started in ¼ of a mile and even better there was free recovery from just a little down the road. I crawled past the ‘free recovery starts here’ sign and sat and waited. Within 5 minutes the recovery truck pulled up in front of me loaded the car on and off we went, he dropped me at the next services, so in I went and bought a £4 cup of coffee, ok they called it a latte and it came in a cup the size of a small bucket, but its still a bleedin coffee, and waited for the cavalry.

They arrived 20 minutes later, I say they because of course my mum still sees me as her little boy, and she had brought me a flask of tea and a coat. I had a quick slurp of the tea to please mother and then we got on with the job of changing the tyre. We got the car jacked up and released 3 of the nuts on the wheel but had problems with the last one, go the torch and had a look, it had some type of locking wheel nut on. I promised myself that I would read the owners handbook the following day, my
Step-dad told me that they normally store the key to the locks in a small plastic box along with the ordinary nuts they have taken off. “AHA” I said I know where they are they are in ………the…….. glove………..box……. Bloody kids. I checked just in case but no the box wasn’t there. I phoned my wife again and yes they were at home. So off they went to my house to pick them up about 30 minutes later they were back and we finally got the wheel changed and got home at 11.45.
I always say I wish that the kids would do as they are told…………………………………….. be careful what you wish for