A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was miffed.
He swore at the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little gits.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole bit!

I've busted my backside for nearly a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady moans cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those idiots from the tax office sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--and that isn't funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made tons of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...like I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat arse and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year
now you know the reason,
I found a big blonde.
I'm going SOUTH for the season