Verbal Warning No1

I was talking to someone today about having to give a member of staff a verbal warning for having 5 mondays out of 6 off. He told me that it was because he had been out on the beer the night before and had a hell of a hangover on the monday morning, I explained to him that I appreciated his honesty but he was still getting a verbal warning.
This whole thing reminded me of when I got my first verbal warning whilst working as a butcher at a chain called Baxters: It was a traditional Butchers ( do you remember when they existed?)
I was in charge of the shop front i.e arranging the display in the window and cabinets and making sure it looked at its best and occasionally called upon to serve customers if we were really busy.
It was on one of these occasions that a posh lady ( you know the sort broom handle up her backside, nasty smell under her nose and a load of plums in her mouth) asks me"are the chickens fresh"
Me:- "fresh madam, I should say so, half an hour ago they were still eating corn,if they were any fresher the would still be clucking"
Woman:- (looking like the smell under her nose has just got worse) could I look at one please?
Me:- "certainly" picks up chicken on cellophane wrap and holds it out to woman
Woman then leans forward and smells the chicken under the wings and between the legs ( you know where the opening is for the stuffing)
Woman:- " It doesnt smell very fresh to me"
Me:- " do you think you could pass a test like that?
It was at this point I realised the woman had no sense of humour and she asked for the store manager. Cue verbal warning number one